Ride or Die
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The Poem
Ride or Die
I was on the 405heading homewhen the world changed.Miles apart.Same freeway.Same night.I didn’t know yet.The bike didn’t know.The traffic didn’t know.The world just kept goingthe way the world keeps goingwhen it has taken somethingit had no right to takeand doesn’t stopto acknowledge it.
I parked.I cried all night.In the morningI drove to the airportwithout a toothbrushand flew to Mexicoand walked the beachfor a monthtrying to find the placewhere whybecomes somethingyou can live next towithout itkilling you too.
I never found it.I found the water instead.I found the waves.I found the specific mercyof an oceanthat doesn’t explain anythingand doesn’t have to.
I found the water
You checked the surfbefore deciding to go to work.Of course you did.The surf was alwaysthe first questionand everything elsewas what you didwhile you waitedfor the next swell.
You free dived at nightin Malibufor lobster.Because why not.That was the whole reason.Because why notwas your entire philosophyof being aliveand it wasthe correct philosophyand I have beentrying to learn itever sinceand I am not there yetbut I am trying.
The turkey outsmarted you.I love this.I need you to knowI love thisthe stuntman,the man who swamacross a rivera hundred feetfrom a two-hundred-foot waterfallto secure a cableso nobody died,outwittedby a turkeywho saw him comingand the gun jammedand he was long goneand you came backwith a storyinstead of a birdwhich was better anywaybecause we are still telling it.
Thailand.The jungle.The movie.The riverthat was trying to kill usand you swam it anywaybecause someone had toand you were the onewho looked at the currentand the waterfalland did the mathand the math saidsomeone has to goand you saidI’ll go.You always saidI’ll go.That was the wholeof what you were.
I don’t have many friends.The one I hadwas ride or dieall the waywhich meansI had everythingwhich meanslosing youwas losing everythingwhich is the mathI have been doingfor years nowand the answeris always the sameand I keep doing it anywaybecause the doingis the only wayI know howto keep you here.
The whales.I painted them for youbecause you loved the waterand the waterwas where you were mostyourselfand the whalesare the largest thingsthat move through itand they move anywaybecause that is whatthe largest things doand that is whatyou didevery single dayof your lifeon the freewayin the junglein the surfin the Malibu darkdiving for lobsterbecause why not.
The whales
Why not.I have been asking whyfor yearswhen the real questionyou would want me askingis why not.Why not dive.Why not swim the river.Why not check the surfbefore deciding anything else.Why not liveevery single momentat the velocitythat makes peoplewatchingshake their headsand smilebecause of courseof courseof course he is.
I miss you.There is no poemfor that.There is onlythe freewayand the carand Mexicoand the beachand the wavesand the thirty yearsof why notthat you livedwhile I watchedand tried to learn.
I’m still learning.The gun is always going to jam.The turkey is always going to be smarter.The river is always going to bea hundred feet from the waterfall.
You swam it anyway.
Ride or die.
All the way.